when I am a goner?
no more brushing my teeth—or a dog’s teeth.
no one would tell Me
my shoes don’t match my belt.
I wouldn’t have anyone
riding me about competence.
I’d feel all my weight
on my ass. I’d look myself over
considering, rather disappointed,
hand holding up my head,
What did I have
going on later?
this wouldn’t be so bad,
I’ve got a couple things I know
I’d wake up once
or twice, after naps—
really Every Day,
such as the weight
of a newborn brother,
the wait of love hopping up
from bed to use the bathroom,
the impression on the bedding,
the imprint of hairline inside my arm.
passing by the bed
later in the day to say: Yes, there she was,
This is where she was.
the 1st time ice-skating, A rubber
kick-ball’s smell, the scratchy rug
in Kindergarten. Hair,
the smell of wet baseballs, cleats
before and after a game.
freshly disinfected hospital beds.
freshly embalmed relatives.
One-Sixth the weight of a casket.
for shoes not matching a belt.
an apple slice,
when I wanted an apple slice,
outdated milk when I really wanted milk. Yeah—even that.
the sound of a faucet saying
when I was yet to sleep
beside a swishing of Love with a mouth full of mouthwash—
the eventual sound of it meeting the sink.
the feeling of only Five-years-old,
a life of 2nd hand sweatpants with worn-out elastic.
a Million Action Figures
each with something to say.
the tug of Truth on my pant leg,
cowering behind me,
the mass of my sole,
to step aside and give an informal
for the 1st time, like everyone,
I too have some thing to say
Realizing like some,
an unused toothbrush is the loneliest item in an apartment.
the Black Nylon winter
jackets worn during garage sale season.
The Scent of Fall
squeezing free from pockets
by a hug welcome home.Mom—yep, in a way
I’ll never convey.
How cold it can get.
an Infant shivering after a 1st bath.
imaginary lines of a two-year-old’s sign language.
One-Quarter life crises.
Internal Cardiac Devices.
so—I suppose—I would
mull that stuff over.
and a toothbrush—I suppose.
then remind Mom
I never poked my eye out,
so she knew she did alright—
but only if I was a Goner.