All tagged Claire Miye Stanford

The Ex-Mermaid Buys Chocolate Milk

The ex-mermaid is opening the door of the dairy case when she hears a voice she recognizes behind her, the voice of the ex-mermaid’s ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. The ex-mermaid looks quickly at the image of herself that is reflected in the glass, a transparency superimposed on bottles of one and two percent. She looks okay. Not as good as the new girlfriend, who has a pert nose and pert breasts and is generally very pert, pert all over. But the ex-mermaid looks fine, and she registers this as she grabs a bottle of low-fat chocolate milk, which is what she came here for.


So you go to a strip mall in a suburb a few minutes out of town, and the place is like a cross between a doctor’s office and a beauty salon, and they seat you in a comfortable chair, and you tell them a name and they look it up in the Celeb-o-Rater database and print out a sheet of numbers.