Somewhere Between There and Here
No, I don’t know where it went! Hang on, I’ll be back in a second.
Hi, baby. I am calling you because I love you and I’m a little bit tipsy-topsy, and I don’t know where my bus went! We found out that another house down the block was having a Halloween party too, and so a bunch of us decided to go, but I wasn’t really able to walk super fast in my bus, so I took it off, and I was holding it as we walked—I was holding it for sure, and now we’re here and…and I just don’t have the slightest clue where it is! Did I drop it? I can’t believe I lost my bus! I was finally starting to become friends with it, even though I wore it all last night at the Halloween party last night and most of tonight—I’d only just started to appreciate it. I’d figured out that I could hold things in it, like my keys or a beer, and everyone was saying about how much they liked my bus, and I was starting to really like it too, and now it’s not here anymore! Babe! I wish you were here at State and not way the hell out in stupid New York because then you could come with me on a nice romantic walk to find my bus. Wouldn’t that be romantic? No one here is going to want to help me find my bus, but you would because it’s your job to want to do things like that for me. I miss you.
I haven’t thrown up yet. I don’t think I’m gonna, either. Because I’m not that drunk. I did kiss a girl though. I guess I’m drunk enough for that. Whoops! I hope you still like me. You should still like me because it was just a joke. It was Erica Swenson—she’s a lesbian—and her costume is Superdyke, and she was walking around at the last party saying, “Straight girls are my weakness,” and a bunch of boys—Ben and Wes and Aaron, and Larry I think was there too—they were all like, “Do it! Kiss her!” So I did. It was pretty hilarious. But I hope you’re not mad at me. It didn’t mean anything. I promise it didn’t mean anything. And I’m not kissing any boys anyway.
So. I’m calling because I wanted to call you. Even though it’s super late where you are and you’re probably asleep and so you probably won’t hear this until the morning, so I just wanted to say…good morning, and…I love you, and…
WOOOOOOO! FUCK YEAHHHH! FUCK YEAH!
Sorry, babe. Larry just walked by with a keg, so I figured I should give him a fuck yeah.
Larry! WOOO! What? Yeah, I lost it! Doesn’t that suck? I don’t know where, somewhere between there and here! What? You would? Oh my god, you’re the best!
Okay, babe, Larry’s gonna help me find my bus, so we’re gonna go find it now. I love you. Good night. I mean good morning since you’ll get this when you wake up. Yes. Good morning! Bye.
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