Adventure with Katie Heaney

Most of us dream about getting paid to write about UFOs, hook ups, and awkward text messages. If you’re Katie Heaney, that’s actually your life. Paper Darts has been pretty obsessed with the relatable, funny tone of this Minneapolis supahstar for a while now, but we’ve mainly just stalked her from the comfy distance of our couch. When brainstorming the perfect cast of writers to pen our adventure stories for our upcoming Third Thursday extravaganza at the MIA, we knew this would be the perfect time to dig deep and muster the same courage it took us to ask our crush out to the junior high prom and see if Katie would be interested. Lucky for us (and more importantly lucky for you) Katie said yes. 

So beyond writing hilarious features over at The Hairpin, BuzzFeed, and working on her first book, a memoir called NEVER HAVE I EVER (Grand Central Publishing 2014), who is Katie Heaney? This interview probably won’t help answer that, but maybe all you need to know is that her Facebook cover photo is of X-Files special agents Mulder and Scully.

Paper Darts: Why were the Twilight books written?
Katie Heaney: God, I don't know. I think it was something sinister. But also I suppose because everyone loves vampires for some reason, which is gross. There's only ever been one sexy vampire, and his name was Spike.

PD: As a kid, cardboard boxes or video games?
KH: Video games. Well, computer games. Rockett's New School and Eagle Eye Mysteries. 

PD: Is Bigfoot real?
KH: YES. Yes, just definitely yes. Jane Goodall thinks so, I think so.

PD: Online chat rooms: bad, good, or necessary?
KH: Bad I think. When I was thirteen I used to go in this Shakira fan chat room…and I realized I did not think anyone was talking about Shakira in there.

PD: Why is it so hard to find good nonfiction?
KH: Is it? I don't know if I feel that way. I love reading nonfiction more than I do fiction. But I think it might be hard to find nonfiction that is relatable. I think in nonfiction, or memoirs anyway, I usually hope for more relatability than I do from fiction, which is probably unfair.

PD: Internet meme that will never get old?
KH: I think I will always love “Yes, this is Dog.”

PD: Funny female writers you keep your eye on?
KH: I idolize Julie Klausner and Edith Zimmerman. Caity Weaver on Gawker is hilarious. I love TV writing too, and I think Mindy Kaling and Elizabeth Meriwether are amazing.

PD: Finish this sentence: Never have I ever:
KH: ...won a game of Never Have I Ever. Is winning when your fingers are all down or all still up? I guess I always win if it's the latter.

Follow Katie Heaney on Twitter @KTHeaney and on Tumblr at And make sure to join us on January 17 at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to experience Katie’s original adventure tale throughout the halls of the museum. 


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