PD vs. TT smackdown

This Thursday, January 19th from 7–10 p.m. at the Nomad World Pub on the West Bank, something big is happening. No, not the hotly anticipated fourth installment of Martin Lawrence's Big Momma's House, but something quite similar. Get ready for laffs, gaffs, and maybe a heartwarming lesson or two about the importance of appreciating one's large mother as Paper Darts and The Tangential go head-to-head in an official WWE (weakass writer's event) SMACKDOWN.

Five readers from (glorious) Paper Darts will duke it out with five readers from The (pithy) Tangential in a round by round duel to determine the ULTIMATE OVERLORD of the Twin Cities writing scene. The ever delightful and intrepid Mustache Rangers will serve as referees, and the audience (that means you) determines the winner.

If you've never been to a read-off, have no idea what a smackdown is, and aren't even sure why you just tried to Google "fat monkey yawning" and got brought to this page, fear not! All the answers you need are revealed below.

Without further ado and certainly without any hint of bias, here are my predictions for possible outcomes Thursday night.


1) John Jodzio, John Gordon, and Jay Gabler bond over having rare J-names, found monthly "J-Time Tea and Knitting Club" meetings.

2) Heidi Thomasoni and Dunstan McGill reveal their secret identities as Masked Hero 1 and Masker Hero 2, join reluctant Mustache Rangers in an unstoppable(ish) crime-fighting force.

3) This inspires Eric Vrooman to reveal his secret identity as Edward Norton, who then leaves all of us to go star in a classic buddy comedy with James Franco, titled "Frankie 'n' Me."

4) Following the bloodbath of Thursday night, Katie Sisneros and Becky Lang launch their WWE careers and dominate the Women's Cage Match division. Sarah Morean decides to capitalize on their story by creating a world-renowned comic book series of their escapades. She becomes a millionaire off the exploitation of their wounds, and buys a billion baby kitties to make up for it.

And if all of that doesn't sound exciting to you, well, I'm sure Martin Lawrence will shimmy into that fat suit again someday. Dare to dream....

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