Honestly, I probably should have taken pass on my Monday blog for the week, as (I can't shut up about it) it's my first wedding anniversary with my husband today, and I promised him that I wouldn't do any work. But, you know, this blog isn't really work so much as it's a totally fun thing I get to do, that just also happens to be a sort-of obligation in the way that eating supremely delicious foods is a sort-of obligation that you have to your body. However, since this is fun but spending time with my husband is special, I'll keep this brief....by just writing about a post on another blog. That's okay, right? This is America. Not just America, but the American internet–so I'm going to assume that I can pretty much do whatever I want.
Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me a link to a Publishers Weekly article listing the top five books that are most often stolen from bookstores. This list includes the follwing books (in case you don't want to click the link and just read the article, which you should do because it has some good quotes and is kind of funny):
1: Anything by Charles Bukowski
2: Anything by William S. Burroughs
3: On the Road by Jack Kerouac
4: The New York Trilogy by Paul Auster
5: Anything by Martin Amis
While I hate the list because it's called the "5 Most Stolen Books" and then only names two actual books, I love the list because it shows that many high school and college-aged boys are still stealing books from bookstores to impress girls (or, vice versa, or girl to girl, or boy to boy–the point is, crazy-ass kids are trying to impress eachother with books, which is pretty awesome, even if they are doing it illegally).
I can almost guar-an-tee that's what's happening here.
Once, a guy I dated in high school presented me with a lover-ly gift of perloined books, including Andy Goldsworthy's A Collaboration with Nature, Jack Jerouac's Desolation Angels and Charles Bukowski's Women. I guess that what he was trying to tell me was that, apart from being a huge fan and stoic appreciator of nature-based art forms, he was a world-questioning and adventurous loner, who loved women, but didn't know how to really love a woman.
* Inside the cover of Women, he wrote a puke-inducing note about how (at the age of 16) he wasn't good with women, but wanted me to change that. However, the character in Women never actually makes peace with his female troubles, so why would you give that book with that sort of inscription to a girl you liked? Boys are idiots (generally).
I'd like to point out, too, that although I didn't steal it, Naked Lunch is the book I lied about reading to impress a boy.
Additionally, Paul Auster is mentioned in a Fionn Regan song called "Put a Penny in the Slot" (as brought up in a previous blog post). The song was meant to, and probably did, impress thousands of girls (and boys) across the globe. Probably, that song is put on a mix which is then presented with a stolen Auster book. Sexy nerd-planning, no?
I don't know who Martin Amis is, which isn't impressive to anyone, at all. Have you, or has anyone you know, stolen this book?
What I'm really curious about are the runner-ups:
Honorable mentions: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson, anything by Don DeLillo, The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman.
I guess I get the books by Thompson and Hoffman. But, what's up with Virgin Suicides? Weird.
Courtney Algeo just learned how to play Magic: The Gathering over her anniversary weekend, and is pumped.