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Animal Facts

Paper Darts Update Time! 

Anyone who knows me knows that I know a lot about a lot of stuff. Facial wound tending, avocado pitting, beer to chili adding...stuff like that. And the one thing I know more about than any other thing is animals. I know animals like dogs know their own butts. Skeptically at first, then gradually more accepting with each “air passing” doesn’t result in explosion.  

Because my mom always told me not to be stingy with all my vast quantities of very useful knowledge, here are some Fun Animal Facts for you to use with your friends when you want to sound smart.

Fun Fact Number ONE: Bears are most ferocious immediately following their hibernation period. 

76% of all bear attacks in the US happen in the week after a bear first rouses from its seasonal hibernation. Tragic, yes, but can you really blame the poor guys? Their bear fur is all matted, they have six months worth of eye crunchies, and raw flesh diets often lead to pretty bad morning breath. Moral: Grumpy bears are dangerous bears. Leave them alone.  

Fun Fact Number TWO: Octopus ink is most potent immediately following Octopi hibernation period.

28% of all octopi spend the month of May in a state of semi-hibernation. Common octopi hibernation activities include eating krill, watching reruns of Lost, and spooning with pirate ships. One particularly creepy three-headed octopus is reported to have spent the month of May working on something very big, bright, bold, and bodacious. Yes, that’s right, the Paper Darts: Volume Two print issue is nearing completion. No official release date yet, but expect another rockin’ party and some hardcore literary boogie to boot. 

Fun Fact Number THREE: Studies show squirrels like shopping almost as much as pre-teens do 

93% of pre-teens really like shopping. The average grey squirrel is found to spend as many hours shopping for glittery eye makeup as that popular girl you hated in junior high. Squirrels like stores, which means that I like stores. I especially like stores that you can rent out for a week like the storefront at 2441 Lyndale Ave S in Uptown Minneapolis formerly known as Arise Book Shop. From July 13-19 Paper Darts will be renting out Storefront-in-a-Box and collaborating with Replacement Press and Books and Bars for some super rad stuff. More details to come soon. 
 

Thanks for reading Fun Animal Facts! Be sure to cite your sources in MLA format.  


-R Goon Smith

Hip to be Square

ilLUSTration