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Everybody's Awkward and Uncomfortable


 

Reading other people’s blogs, to me, is kind of like listening to other people’s dreams. Unless I’m in it or someone’s making sweet, sweet love, my attention span will last around thirty seconds before I zone out and start thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner.

 

 

I once had this blog called “Everybody’s Awkward and Uncomfortable.” I wrote about 2 1/8 posts (the inadvertent grand finale being a very insightful sentence about how Thom Yorke should just can it and stop pretending he’s a 15 year old girl) before I got bored with myself and went to eat some cereal. However, being the extremely popular person that I am, at its peak of two followers and three comments (not excluding one by myself) I considered it a smash success.

 

So, in the wake of Meghan’s legitimately interesting and worthwhile blog entry, I present to you the resurrection of my relatively neurotic and mostly useless old blog. I’ll continue with this theme next week--unless I get bored. Then I’ll probably just write about the Nasonex Bee instead.

 

1) Yawning

I know you like to look at yourself in the mirror as you yawn, practice all the different angles you could attempt in an effort to make yourself look “so fierce;” but you’re wasting your time, friend. Yawning is just a part of life. An unattractive, spit-stringy, unholy part of life. So don’t get down on yourself, we all know you don’t actually have a double-chin...unless of course you do. Sorry.  

 

 2) Holding the door open for someone who then uses a different door

They’re rude. You’re polite. Keep cool my babies.

 

3) Exchanging pleasantries with a stranger in a public bathroom then peeing in silence in adjoining stalls

Most of the time you can avoid seeing them afterwards if you stagger your exit properly, but sometimes the simultaneous handwash is unavoidable. Then what do you say?

 

 Was it good for you too?

 

 These paper towels are really soft?

 

 Your pee sounds weird?

 

 

 

 

 

That wraps up this week’s life changing entry. Until next time, muchachos.

 

Smoochies, Regan

 

 

 

 And, if you think I don’t have terrible taste, then I think you should:

 

LISTEN: The Heartless Bastards

 

WATCH: The Quizno’s commercial

 

EAT: The Velveeta. Taquitos are gross.

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